A Mar To remember.

My heart felt cold,

The dreaded day had come,

The atmosphere so Icy,

Now breathing wasn’t that easy.

The moments freeze up,

Air sucked out,

A blow on my head,

Sweat puddles on my eye cup.

My brain cells almost dead,

Almost. Inhale, Exhale.

My eyes locked up

And I plunged into the chilled hard ground.

Everything fades away,

Yet, those memories remain perfectly unstained.

How could it be so?

As much as I try,

Unstained they remain

Alas, I wasn’t allowed to complain.

Then came my tears,

Shocking.

For I had nothing left to cry for.

Unstrained they were,

Flowing out without mercy,

So light.

Yet so heavy.

My limp hands and legs,

If nothing, owed me freedom at least,

I had enough, I soared out free,

Away from this damned world of yours,

I wanted to pull myself away,

I had enough of me.

I almost went away,

Almost.

And Damn, I was forcefully shut down,

Try as I might, I couldn’t get away,

I was pretty much, in every way, bound to me.

Or maybe, I actually wanted to fly away,

Unbelievable as it may seem,

Maybe I really fancied getting away from me,

In to those dull colors,

At least there,

you cannot out maneuver me.

Maybe not, maybe what I wanted

Was a break, to go sit?

Somewhere I couldn’t avoid myself,

For my part, I was haunting me.

Maybe I should just,

Stop trying to figure things out,

And Kill myself.

Or.

Go sleep.

Whatever, they make the dark

More and more breath-taking.

The Sunflower.

_/\_

Either you tell the world,

Or you choose to tell no one,

It wont matter,

You see,

Whatever you do,

The real truth will remain,

With you and me.

Yes, go away,

Far from me,

Far from my grip.

I believe I held you too tight.

Not that you asked,

Not that you even wondered

Whether I’d be hurt or not,

I had to suffer for your love bite.

Justice?? No it wasn’t.

I had told you a hundred times,

That you’d let me go. And now,

I don’t know why… It just doesn’t feel right

To say “I told you so.”

You told me you wouldn’t go,

You made me believe you wouldn’t run away,

You did what I couldn’t do,

You wiped my tears when I cried

You said I wouldn’t be forlorn,

You said I was yours,

You said you wouldn’t ever have cold feet,

You lied.

What you forgot and wasted away,

Was my trust, I liked you,

But not more than I love myself.

That’s were you went wrong,

For some time I scraped along

But it wasn’t long,

Before I was once again

Strong.

I let you go,

Like sand gripped too tight,

Your wish against mine

I was smart enough to comprehend,

Everything changes with time.

An angel you were,

An angel I thought you’d remain,

But the opposite you turned out to be,

The opposite you became.

You bitched, you pained

Revolting

Proud, Arrogant, Stupid,

A creature ever so vain.

A person to hate,

A person better left alone,

A person to be ditched,

I knew it wasn’t something you wanted willed.

Yes I loathe you,

Clearly dislike you,

Obviously not in love with you,

But somehow, I still do care for you.

Forty winks forever.

Sleep gives me pleasure

Sleep gives me peace

To snooze away into the darkness

Is something sought-after.

Three pillows, one blanket

And some soft music please,

Those needs of mine,

Need only to be met till

I’d be asleep.

A misty situation,

Over-powered with dark fumes,

A white snowy bed,

And cold winds would suffice.

A drugged feeling

Intoxicated,

Pulling the covers tight around me

I close my eyes and let me be.

With swirling perfumes

Of my favorite flowers

A night sky with stars alight,

A hazy overwhelmed shiver,

I hold them pillows tight.

The night looked perfect,

Nothing could go wrong,

Dreams resemble a blank canvas,

Waiting to be painted upon..

It’s our world,

A place only for ourselves,

An unshared heaven.

OUCH! Something burned my cheek.

And now my hands,

As always,

Nightmares wake up when dreams doze off.

That sharp sear, stretched across my mind,

Like a pin pinned down inside my nails,

Blinded for a blink,

I squinted through my sluggish eyes,

That silvery night was tearing apart.

My hushed paradise

Now a wreck.

It was time to get up.

First things first.

New curtains.

Now that’s a must.

Mind Murdered For Mistake.

I make a mistake,

Hell, I do it again.

Positive side?

For every ‘wrong’ a ‘right’ you gain.

‘But’, Like always,

A big bad But,

I don’t, cause if I did,

I wouldn’t repeat the same one’s again.

That’s when everything turns around,

I carelessly do it, I slip up,

Purely scrutinizing the pain infecting them,

And of course, lapse again.

My ear’s hear,

For what rightfully is hers to hear.

New curses and old ones,

Loud and clear.

I fight my tears,

Since I have no one to fight for.

If I had,

No doubt I would have pained them,

Like always.

All over again.

I merely gaze at my victim,

Watching worry and stress,

Coil from all around,

I realize I aint the prey,

I was the seeker.

I hunt with my hungry eyes,

Mercilessly,

Trap them with my negligence,

And eat them with my Errors.

Stunned to find my mind

Blank with Nothingness.

All the while,

Staring at my dupe,

Cry with horror and terror

I remained unmoved,

The monster in me,

Must be acting upon its instincts.

Cold Love Melts Faster.

You make me want to rip you apart,

To tear you into tiny little pieces,

To throw you away into the dark

Where I’ll never have to set eyes upon you again.

I hate you.

I feel heat inside my head.

So much.

IT hurts to think.

I jump up and down,

Trying to drown the pain inside of me,

I remember daily nights, thinking,

Being with you, Must feel like,

Inside a flower. Resting.

A sweet smelling heavenly place

Lying down hushed.

Breathing in the divine scent.

And now, Blue flames

Keep scratching my already vulnerable heart.

Like long bloody nails scribbling that black black board.

Run away from you, I will.

Kick you, I will.

Harm you, I will.

Impair you, I will.

Yet! Go with you, I Gladly will.

AS much as I can loathe you,

Dislike you, Hate you,

Bitch about you and Hurt you...

Alas!! I cannot ignore you.

Some Wishes Are Best Not Granted

A wish I did not request was ‘Two great friends’

I did not know I needed them till I simply loved them

Tears they wiped and broken hearts they mended

Lucky I cherished them before my life ended.

A wish I did not regret was desiring.

Desiring to be loved by them.

Some wishes I was granted, others denied.

Yet, confusing, to them how happily and evetually I became a gem.

Then came a wish, I wish never happened.

A humiliating deed, An emabarassing story.

The purity of my innocent li’l heart blackened. Perhaps,

It was black already. I do not know. I was sorry.

I felt sad, offended and disappointed.

For I had done something I never do.

My friends were more sad, more offended and more disappointed

For they knew I did something I never tend to do.

And now, I feel most sad, most offended and most disappointed.

I cried myself to sleep saying,

I did not want to do it,I did not want to do it.

Stupid, Stupid Me.

Lonelines

I’ve had everything, I have everything

Shamelessly, I can’t help but say

I have nothing.

I’ve had everyone, I have everyone

And as stupid as it may seem,

I sense I’m alone, I’m in no team.

I wake up everyday from the dead,

(Do I?)

Wandering here and there...

Ignoring every instruction put against me

Helpless about what to be and what not.

Now, I think, a tissue is what I resemble

A weak object to be used and mercilessly thrown away,

Fingers crossed that ‘someone’ would come

And light the flames of hope in me,

For a brighter day.

I had to face ugly truths the hard way,

Difficult lessons at the worst.

And not one inch of anger or emotion in me...

One question is all I want answered.

Am I cursed?

Happiness is way out of proportion,

Depression, Guilt, Fury

I’d take anything as evidence.

Proof of that I’m alive.

I get freedom, I go out.

I travel, I ‘try’ to have fun.

Yet, I’m cooped up in me.

As in a well too high to climb out of.

As bad as my situation might seem to you,

I find it easy,

You see …..

Disappointment turned out to be pleasant for me.

You taught me how to love.

Hold my hand and sing with me,

As the moon shy fully sinks into the open sky.

Kiss my cheeks and be proud of me,

For who I am, For who I plan to be.

Stroke my hair and brush them with your soft hands,

For that turns out to be the greatest pleasure anyone can give me.

As we stand together side by side,

Our dainty toes dancing inside the sand,

Never wanting to end the moment.

Stand by me as I wander through the maze of life,

Hold me close at dead ends and closer at open roads.

Stroke my ears and whisper to me your wisdom,

Those wise words you learnt over the years.

Look into my eyes and tell me how much,

Tell me how much you love me.

How you’d never want to unfreeze this second.

You did your best with me,

And I’m ecstatic as I never got a reason,

Through all these years to get angry at you.

Moma, come to me, look at me, stay with me

And NEVER LET GO OF ME.

Some say that their parents don’t understand the meaning of love, relationships, commitments, breakups etc...

..I Disagree..

Between A Rock And A Hard Place.

The long waits in the sun always tired me out,

The long visions at night always kept me awake,

Dreaming,Hoping,Expecting

Later worthwhile and forgotten.

Hand in hand under the silver moon

Just standing there together..

No voice,No noise

Just the sounds of loud silence.

Always fearful of sure failure

Passing looks of love and emotion with a dash of fright,

Yet loving my way into unloyal fate.

Crying innocent tears of pleasure,

Knowing not when unpleasantness could be willed on me,

Lomg ready to accept destiny,

But not to leave the moment.

Wondering whether this feeling had a name

Love??!..Then explain the pain…

So much, that disappointment became enjoyable

That crying became laughter,

That loneliness was desirable,

All I could do was wait…

and maybe wait some more..

After all finishing the chapter dosent mean the book ceased

There’s always the next page..

Though I’d take dark nights with the moon than suffer dim days with the sun.