Shades of Grey

Shades of Grey

I know who I am.



I’m 15.
I know, I’m small.
I’m just 15.
I’m a teen.

So?
If I cry, its drama,
If I’m in love, it’s a phase,
What if I get raped?
Oh yeah, I get to be the reason for “my” trauma.

If I want to be independent,
I have something to hide.
If I want to live alone,
I have someone to put out of sight.

If I talk, I talk too much.
If I’m silent, I’m a freak.
It’s a dangerous world out there,
So I “should” stay within my own clique.

There must be no depression to express,
There shouldn’t be tears to fall off.
Because then, I’m seeking sympathy,
Because then, to my parents I’m a disgrace.

It’s 2 AM and I’m still 15.

I’m one voice here.
I seek one desire.
My heart pains only for my dreams.
I ask for this as I can’t seem to be able to swallow my sufferings screams.

Still, why do I feel like I belong?
Why do I feel like they care?
Knowing they don’t.
Why am I welcomed?
When I should probably just be sent to bed.
Why do I feel wanted?
Why do I feel alive even though every day is a dying day?
And yet I feel betrayed though I’m fully looked after.
Why do I feel understood?
Even though I know it’s just heads nodding in my direction.

Either I’m too lucky, or I see my ego in the reflection.

8 comments:

  1. It’s 2 AM and I’m still 15.

    1000 likes....Huda...

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  2. Awesome dear Huda..Keep it up.

    Regards,
    Anees

    aneespnl@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. hoda!for all the questions you ask you give answers too...! enjoy the teens!! good one this!

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  4. Huda, excellent... I think you will enjoy Mirza Ghalibs poetry, preferably learn Urdu. Just one small couplet from Mirza Ghalib to inspire you.
    Yeh kahaan ki dosti hai bane hain dost naaseh
    Koi chaarasaaz hota koi ghamghuzar hota

    What type of friendhip is this, friends have become advicers (who give sermons)
    wish I had someone on whose shoulders I could weep, wish I had a place to spend my sorrows. (Rough translation)

    Vinod Ahmed

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  5. Nice one, Huda. Keep writing.

    ReplyDelete