Shades of Grey

Shades of Grey

_/\_


Either you tell the world,
Or you choose to tell no one,
It wont matter,
You see,
Whatever you do,
The real truth will remain,
With you and me.


Yes, go away,
Far from me,
Far from my grip.
I believe I held you too tight.
Not that you asked,
Not that you even wondered
Whether I’d be hurt or not,
I had to suffer for your love bite.

Justice?? No it wasn’t.
I had told you a hundred times,
That you’d let me go. And now,
I don’t know why… It just doesn’t feel right
To say “I told you so.”

You told me you wouldn’t go,
You made me believe you wouldn’t run away,
You did what I couldn’t do,
You wiped my tears when I cried
You said I wouldn’t be forlorn,
You said I was yours,
You said you wouldn’t ever have cold feet,
You lied.

What you forgot and wasted away,
Was my trust, I liked you,
But not more than I love myself.
That’s were you went wrong,
For some time I scraped along
But it wasn’t long,
Before I was once again
Strong.

I let you go,
Like sand gripped too tight,
Your wish against mine
I was smart enough to comprehend,
Everything changes with time.

An angel you were,
An angel I thought you’d remain,
But the opposite you turned out to be,
The opposite you became.

You bitched, you pained
Revolting
Proud, Arrogant, Stupid,
A creature ever so vain.

A person to hate,
A person better left alone,
A person to be ditched,
I knew it wasn’t something you wanted willed.

Yes I loathe you,
Clearly dislike you,
Obviously not in love with you,
But somehow, I still do care for you.








Forty winks forever.


Sleep gives me pleasure

Sleep gives me peace
To snooze away into the darkness
Is something sought-after.

Three pillows, one blanket
And some soft music please,
Those needs of mine,
Need only to be met till
I’d be asleep.

A misty situation,
Over-powered with dark fumes,
A white snowy bed,
And cold winds would suffice.

A drugged feeling
Intoxicated,
Pulling the covers tight around me
I close my eyes and let me be.

With swirling perfumes
Of my favorite flowers
A night sky with stars alight,
A hazy overwhelmed shiver,
I hold them pillows tight.

The night looked perfect,
Nothing could go wrong,

Dreams resemble a blank canvas,
Waiting to be painted upon..
It’s our world,
A place only for ourselves,
An unshared heaven.

OUCH! Something burned my cheek.
And now my hands,
As always,
Nightmares wake up when dreams doze off.

That sharp sear, stretched across my mind,
Like a pin pinned down inside my nails,
Blinded for a blink,
I squinted through my sluggish eyes,
That silvery night was tearing apart.

My hushed paradise
Now a wreck.
It was time to get up.

First things first.
New curtains.
Now that’s a must.

Mind Murdered For Mistake.


I make a mistake,

Hell, I do it again.

Positive side?

For every ‘wrong’ a ‘right’ you gain.

‘But’, Like always,

A big bad But,

I don’t, cause if I did,

I wouldn’t repeat the same one’s again.

That’s when everything turns around,

I carelessly do it, I slip up,

Purely scrutinizing the pain infecting them,

And of course, lapse again.

My ear’s hear,

For what rightfully is hers to hear.

New curses and old ones,

Loud and clear.

I fight my tears,

Since I have no one to fight for.

If I had,

No doubt I would have pained them,

Like always.

All over again.

I merely gaze at my victim,

Watching worry and stress,

Coil from all around,

I realize I aint the prey,

I was the seeker.

I hunt with my hungry eyes,

Mercilessly,

Trap them with my negligence,

And eat them with my Errors.

Stunned to find my mind

Blank with Nothingness.

All the while,

Staring at my dupe,

Cry with horror and terror

I remained unmoved,

The monster in me,

Must be acting upon its instincts.

Cold Love Melts Faster.


You make me want to rip you apart,

To tear you into tiny little pieces,

To throw you away into the dark

Where I’ll never have to set eyes upon you again.


I hate you.

I feel heat inside my head.

So much.

IT hurts to think.


I jump up and down,

Trying to drown the pain inside of me,

I remember daily nights, thinking,

Being with you, Must feel like,

Inside a flower. Resting.


A sweet smelling heavenly place

Lying down hushed.

Breathing in the divine scent.


And now, Blue flames

Keep scratching my already vulnerable heart.

Like long bloody nails scribbling that black black board.


Run away from you, I will.

Kick you, I will.

Harm you, I will.

Impair you, I will.


Yet! Go with you, I Gladly will.


AS much as I can loathe you,

Dislike you, Hate you,

Bitch about you and Hurt you...

Alas!! I cannot ignore you.

Some Wishes Are Best Not Granted


A wish I did not request was ‘Two great friends’

I did not know I needed them till I simply loved them

Tears they wiped and broken hearts they mended

Lucky I cherished them before my life ended.


A wish I did not regret was desiring.

Desiring to be loved by them.

Some wishes I was granted, others denied.

Yet, confusing, to them how happily and evetually I became a gem.


Then came a wish, I wish never happened.

A humiliating deed, An emabarassing story.

The purity of my innocent li’l heart blackened. Perhaps,

It was black already. I do not know. I was sorry.


I felt sad, offended and disappointed.

For I had done something I never do.

My friends were more sad, more offended and more disappointed

For they knew I did something I never tend to do.


And now, I feel most sad, most offended and most disappointed.

I cried myself to sleep saying,

I did not want to do it,I did not want to do it.

Stupid, Stupid Me.

Lonelines


I’ve had everything, I have everything

Shamelessly, I can’t help but say

I have nothing.


I’ve had everyone, I have everyone

And as stupid as it may seem,

I sense I’m alone, I’m in no team.


I wake up everyday from the dead,

(Do I?)
Wandering here and there...

Ignoring every instruction put against me

Helpless about what to be and what not.


Now, I think, a tissue is what I resemble

A weak object to be used and mercilessly thrown away,

Fingers crossed that ‘someone’ would come

And light the flames of hope in me,

For a brighter day.


I had to face ugly truths the hard way,

Difficult lessons at the worst.

And not one inch of anger or emotion in me...

One question is all I want answered.

Am I cursed?


Happiness is way out of proportion,

Depression, Guilt, Fury

I’d take anything as evidence.

Proof of that I’m alive.


I get freedom, I go out.

I travel, I ‘try’ to have fun.

Yet, I’m cooped up in me.

As in a well too high to climb out of.


As bad as my situation might seem to you,

I find it easy,

You see …..

Disappointment turned out to be pleasant for me.


You taught me how to love.



Hold my hand and sing with me,
As the moon shy fully sinks into the open sky.
Kiss my cheeks and be proud of me,
For who I am, For who I plan to be.
Stroke my hair and brush them with your soft hands,
For that turns out to be the greatest pleasure anyone can give me.
As we stand together side by side,
Our dainty toes dancing inside the sand,
Never wanting to end the moment.

Stand by me as I wander through the maze of life,
Hold me close at dead ends and closer at open roads.
Stroke my ears and whisper to me your wisdom,
Those wise words you learnt over the years.
Look into my eyes and tell me how much,
Tell me how much you love me.
How you’d never want to unfreeze this second.
You did your best with me,
And I’m ecstatic as I never got a reason,
Through all these years to get angry at you.
Moma, come to me, look at me, stay with me
And NEVER LET GO OF ME.

Some say that their parents don’t understand the meaning of love, relationships, commitments, breakups etc...
..I Disagree..

Between A Rock And A Hard Place.






The long waits in the sun always tired me out,
The long visions at night always kept me awake,
Dreaming,Hoping,Expecting
Later worthwhile and forgotten.
Hand in hand under the silver moon
Just standing there together..
No voice,No noise
Just the sounds of loud silence.
Always fearful of sure failure
Passing looks of love and emotion with a dash of fright,
Yet loving my way into unloyal fate.
Crying innocent tears of pleasure,
Knowing not when unpleasantness could be willed on me,
Lomg ready to accept destiny,
But not to leave the moment.
Wondering whether this feeling had a name
Love??!..Then explain the pain…
So much, that disappointment became enjoyable
That crying became laughter,
That loneliness was desirable,
All I could do was wait…
and maybe wait some more..
After all finishing the chapter dosent mean the book ceased
There’s always the next page..
Though I’d take dark nights with the moon than suffer dim days with the sun.



Perfection at it's worst.





It was like a blind woman seeing the sun for the first time
Joy as well as the satisfation of being paid your biggest desire.
Though darkness hadn’t brought on complaints or pain
The light had neither asked for problems nor sacrifices
It was luck..,pure luck.
He had been exactly like that
Brought me happiness even though I had calm and peace
Perfect…just too perfect.
Flawless.
And perfection never stays with us a long period
The reason why we all crave for it this much.

It was like the sun’s burnished rays hurt the pure petite eyes
And she closed it.
Not expecting to never open it again
The mistake of not expecting the unexpected.
She knew she could open her eyes
She also knew that she wouldn’t.
Everything had been too elated.Too perfect.
Retiring to live the life she once did was very inviting
Morosely not exciting
Hard to accept that she wouldn’t have the same effect again
That the same things never happen the same way twice.
She lived like before.
Calm,Peaceful.
But never happy.
The sun and its polished light haunted her.

OF all the poems in my time,not only poems,but quotes and verses as well…none of them shows the accurate feelings I felt like this one.When I read this over and over,I felt the exact same pain I went through.I am kind of proud that I was able to convey my exact feelings through a poem.And unlike the other poems this one is based on a true life incident.I blend in with poems that build up emotions in a person.Or poems that don’t get you your tongue in cheek smile.I want the reader to understand the pain I went through by not giving away exactly what happened.The reader has to hav a tiny insight.Love is my easiest subject because I know what one feels like when you fall in love,what one feels like when you get rejected,what one feels like when you get cheated and I definetly know what one feels like when one gets accepted to live with someone for the rest of your uncertain life..

Love When You're Sixteen



The door opened with an intonating silence
Heeding my senses,
My eyes wandered over the place,
To see him walking towards me with grace

Looking into those never ending brown orbs of his,
I felt a connection,a correlation,
Though for a millisecond was the meet,
It felt like days,eventually,forgetting i had him to greet

I was once again reminded from the three s's
Stuttering,sweating and stumbling
All at once,with the thudding of the heart,
I treid to get up,and ho,to the floor I went tumbling,

With my face glowing like the setting sun,
We shook our hands,
The lightining flowed through me
The spark filling my veins,
Up and up till it reached my brain

The hot glowing ember inside me,
Reduced to ashes,as I lost his touch,
He was the cause of fire,ripping me up,
The cause of peace burning my tears,
The cause of pleasure,healing all holes,

And cue me leaving this place,
Then gradually coming back for more,
For I could not live without breathing the same air as he would
Why would I even try?knowing that I never could.

My life still revolved around him,
He was special in my eyes,
He made me want to be a better person,
He made me want to care,
To go far away from thieving and lies.

Despite the fact that I made a fool out of me,
And hurt myself everyday,
It was a risk I would take,
For I wanted him more than anything
To keep him forever,for his as well as my sake.

I wanted his fingers curled,
Around my waist when we walk,
My head on his shoulder,
When we sit down to talk.

I wanted the world tearing us apart,
Lean and never to be seen,
For this my friends is,
Love when you're sixteen